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vicente's avatar

"It’s just that not everyone gives a f**k about clothes and what they signify as deeply as the typical member of Spy Nation might. So you may also very reasonably decide that your relationship with a non-popping-clothes rocker is blissful in every way except that they have less-than-Mach-3 taste / different taste from yours, and since they are otherwise hot and lovely you can just let them cook. 🧑‍🍳🧑‍🍳🧑‍🍳"

that paragraph is spot-on and it applies well beyond loved-ones; one should never judge someone else's character mainly based on what they wear bc 1) it's such a personal thing and 2) a lot of people (most of earth's population maybe) dresses bad because they simply cant afford the luxury of seeing clothes as anything else than a biological necessity, and if they do, it's from a very limited and utilitarian perspective

so yeah i love clothes but im a thousand percent opposed to the "clothes are a window to the soul" perspective, in some scarce blessed cases it may acquire that power, but, if anything, in most cases they are a cloak for the soul

i remembered this fantastic essay: https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/you-are-not-a-commercial-for-yourself and also the concept of locked-in personal style where an "unswaggy fit" might become blessed by virtue of its deep connection to the wearer

bbsp should drop the 10 commandments of swag and include something about this bc sometimes mfers lose the plot!

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Blackbird Spyplane's avatar

Vicente going through the archive 🙌

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Tom Kieklak's avatar

It does not matter what you write about because your writing is so enjoyable. It is original and confident and efficient. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this and making them a pleasure to read.

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Blackbird Spyplane's avatar

Thank you Tom 🔏☮️

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Andrew's avatar

Thank you for addressing this issue! My situation arose as I started exploring in the “ugly genius” direction—finding a sense of joy and play in somewhat odd garments—while my partner was not so inclined or inspired. Over time, she has softened on some of her judgments while I have also made some efforts to respect her preferences. I also have gained crucial support from my young (and perhaps more open-minded?) children.

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Blackbird Spyplane's avatar

Oh I love that ugly genius was that inspiring to you — AND I love the role of “the child’s eye” in this — kids are not yet mental prisoners like we are cuz all the dumb shit we have been trained to care about makes no sense to them 😉

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Growing_Stains's avatar

This has been a thing in my relationship! Partner is a sauce king and I like to think I’ve got some pretty good recipes, too. There were times, in the early days of our relationship, that my jawns would ruin his day. We’ve grown past that now. This was a validating edition of the ‘sletter. Jonah is right, when it comes to critiquing bae’s fit, keep it about the jawn and offer concrete suggestions (color, cut, etc). Emotion and subjective opinion without an open mind are banned from talks on fit!

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Blackbird Spyplane's avatar

Ha ha excellent! I’m glad you both made it through… there can be turbulence along the way but if the foundation is strong the rest should sort itself out

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Growing_Stains's avatar

Absolutely! In the big scheme of things it turned out to be a minor issue. And, we’re probably both more fly because of those hard/weird style-oriented conversations than we could have been on our own, so it’s all good.

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David Larkin's avatar

C.O.A.C.H.E.S is celestial level wisdom. I love it!

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Blackbird Spyplane's avatar

Ha ha h*ll yeah 🤝🕊

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